Morning all my Tripawd friends,
Last night, as I took Maggie for another woods trail adventure(of which she handled with style again!) I had emotions come back to me that haven’t arisen it’s ugly head since she was amputated 7 months ago.
As I watched her so easily do her “tripawd trot” and look so beautiful and appear so healthy, albiet on 3 legs, I was very saddened again as to WHY, WHY, WHY did this happen to my girl??? WHY??? Maggie started out as a pup getting very good Wysong kibble, then I gradually added raw meat to her kibble to eventually switching her over to premixes(Honest Kitchen, Urban Wolf, Sojo’s) with raw meat added. She has had nothing but the BEST foods all her life! And to top that off, she has had very few vaccines in her lifetime and never, ever flea/tick preventatives – only natural stuff for those bugs! I have done, what I thought, was the best I could do for her to keep her healthy. But alas, she gets soft tissue sarcoma in her left knee 7 months ago and have to amputate her leg. She has NEVER been overweight, always fit all her life – competing in agility for 8 years. WHY!?!??!?!?!??!
Ugh. Then from being very sad and bawling last nite for a short stint, I then got angry thinking WHY my dog. Why not the neighbor’s dog who has NEVER been well cared for like my dog! WHY!?!? One day, I was trying to convince a co-worker that he should switch his Lab pup over to a better food than Iams and he said why, your dog got cancer…alot of good that good food did. Point taken. Pretty hard to give a “good food speech” when I don’t have good evidence to show for it, huh?!? Maybe I should just feed Walmart brand foods and pump my dogs full of vaccines and chemicals and they’d live a healthy, ripe, old age(with four legs). I know, I’m being stupid saying that but…………
Then the emotions quickly changed to once again, having “happy tears” and a smile on my face for Maggie as she went for a swim, well, swim for her is at least going in up to her belly for sticks 🙂 This was her first time in the water since amputation! I didn’t dare throw the sticks too far…I don’t want her to hurt herself(yes, protective Mother that I am). She LOVED it. I LOVED it. I LOVE her. Yes…I am damn happy she’s still here….but I still wonder what in the world did she do to deserve all this! ? What did I do wrong for her?!?
To end this miserable feeling sorry for my dog blog, here’s a picture of her doing agility 🙂
And a photo of her on her FIRST hot dog roast in the woods – we were celebrating Maggie still being here with us after amputation 🙂
Do other Tripawd pawrents feel like I did last night? Even after so much time has passed after amputation? Am I the only crazy pawrent that still has feelings of what went wrong? What should I have done differently for Maggie to have avoided this happening to her?
I am soooooooooooo happy she’s still here with me but I still have so many questions in my head…that I guess I will never have the answers to…
Tracy
you are burning daylight with ‘why’ or ‘why not’. none of us want to go down this road, but right now, it’s our road. i guess we are doing our best at trying to live in the present moment, not in the ‘what if’ moment…it’s hard, but then life’s hard sometimes… don’t beat yourself up for being human, just strive to be more ‘dog’…they seem to ‘get it’.
Sure, we’ve had our moments of doubt – wondering WHY!? – but everything happens for a reason. For us, our bittersweet journey with Jerry resulted in many valuable life lessons learned during some pretty amazing adventures … thanks to cancer.
So why did this happen to you and Maggie? To prove you are strong. Life was apparently going to easy, and not presenting enough challenges, for the two hardy souls you obviously are. Besides, if it weren’t for our that dreaded cancer and our amazing dogs, this community would not exist and you would never have met us! 🙂
PS: You got me thinking …
Hi Tracy,
I think all of us two leggers spend some amount of time on whys and what ifs- it’s our nature, part of what makes us human. The trick, I think, is learning to acknowledge it, know what we have control over, and more importantly what we can’t control, and move on. The advantage our pups have is that they skip the whole why and what if part and just deal with what is in front of them. Cancer does what it wants- what you do or don’t do for your dog is no guarantee.
I have known people who do all the wrong things and live into their 90s, and I have known those who do all the right things and don’t make it to 50.
I would be lying if I said I don’t wander into the why and what if zone occasionally, especially with my Maggie’s various issues over the last couple of months. But I know deep down that there is nothing I could have done to keep her from getting her cancers, and I know I am doing the best I can now for her.
None of this knowledge makes it easy to deal with, but I think it makes it easier to accept, and more importantly for our Maggies it allows us to move on and appreciate and enjoy the time we still have to share.
Karen
at first i was upset as to why my dog. one day at an oncology appointment, i informed our doctor that i just didn’t want to have to do all the tests, x-rays, blah blah blah…but that I still wanted the treatments. i told her all the not knowing was horrible and i’d just rather not have to deal with it. she told me that…well…i was just going to HAVE to deal with it. it was like, oh…huh…i guess I will! after that, i stopped questioning and started thinking about how i would make the best of the situation. I did decide to stop treatments after 4 sessions, but here we are a year later, and my life has changed so much, and I have learned so much, that i don’t question “why”, but rather, “what did i do to get such an amazing dog?”
Oh yeah. My Mom went through those thoughts waaaay more than my Dad did. She blamed the cancer on the crappy food he ate early on in his life before they knew better, blamed the cancer on the too-long walks that I took when I was a puppy, blamed it on her total ignorance about canine health. To this day she still occasionally plays The Blame Game but I whisper to her…”what’s the point Mom? You’re letting cancer win if you allow it to rob you of this very moment you’re thinking about it, so get on with life will ya?”
Every minute spent doubting and wondering is one minute less we have to live this beautiful life we are given, with three legs, two or four. So don’t let that sad sack cancer get the best of you.
Yes, it’s sucky and unfair that even the healthiest of creatures will get sick, but even in the darkest times there is a lesson somewhere that can bring peace and hoppiness to your heart. Stay quiet and listen for it, it’s there, I promise.
Hoppy Ampuversary Maggie, may there be many many many more.
Of course, it’s perfectly normal to feel the way you do. We all do it. And it’s good to get it off your chest.
I still try to see the why would Rugby be struck down with a cancer tumor on heart. No warning, no nothing. A perfectly normal happy day and then he was gone before lunchtime. It wasn’t just a matter of how much I loved him, it was a matter of how much Comet loved him.
I had spent 10 years trying to make her world happy, safe and secure. She’s lives in a world that is terrifying and full of boogie monsters. Our little family was what made her life happy. They were my world. Was it too much to ask for him to out live her? He was 2 years younger afterall and only 8 years old. And really, did I deserve it after having my only sibling die suddenly just a couple of years earlier? I just was getting over that. Couldn’t I have caught a break?
And yes, I totally understand the feeling of wondering how other’s people’s dogs don’t get sick when they aren’t taken care of as much.
All I can offer you is that your neighbor’s dog wouldn’t get the care you would provide. Therefore the poor dog would suffer if it had happened to them and not you.
I try to live through humor and good times and it helps ease the suffering and heartbreak. Nothing is better than snuffing out pain like a good belly laugh.
On a good note, Maggie will live in all our memories as one very special girl. (not to mention, one of most beautiful mix breeds ever!) I know I’ll never be able to look at a dairy cow now and not think of our Maggie Moo. And who could ever forget those ears!
Comet’s mom
(Comet is sassy in real life, also!)
Tracy:
I understand how you feel!!! I felt the same way about my golden girl “Rosie” We also tried to take the best care of our girl, thought we were giving her good food, to find out it had too much Grain in it after she got Cancer. Cancer has no rhyme or reason for who gets it.!!! We too had a neighbor dog in the back, I thought too why my dog, we take good care of our dog, they just throw their dog in the backyard and hardly do anything for it but feed it something who knows what. And that dog is still walking around on all fours, and mine has to loose her leg.!!! I understand the feeling. I felt that way too. Some people don’t care for their animals, just tie them up outside and feed them any old thing and they survive.
Do we do too much?? No I don’t think so. We have done nothing wrong. We have done all we can in our power. And we are still doing that now with this difficult decision to amputate their bad leg. We took 8 months to reach the decision to amputate. We did other treatements first to save her leg that failed. It got rid of the cancer but in the end we still had to amputate her leg.
It is an emotional roller coaster for us. The owners of amputee’s. But they still love us even thou they have only 3 legs. And somehow I know they know we are doing everything we can to help them. They don’t feel bad. They just keep living day after day enjoying what they can. We are the emotional ones. My Dr. said they just pick up the pieces and go on. Humans over think it and we make it worse in our heads. These animals can teach us so much about makinig the best of a bad situation. They are so resiliant.
Feel good about all you have done. I try to feel that way. It is hard when you get tired of all the things you have to do sometimes. The tests, the meds, the therapy etc…. But it is all worth it to have our best friend still by our side for whatever time we have with them. Enjoy every minute you have. My girl is 12 and we have limited time left. I dread the day, but at least I’ll know I did everything I could to take good care of her.
We can Take Courage that we have done ALL WE COULD. And as for why, we may never know exactly why our dogs got cancer. I had breast cancer 5 years ago. I asked the same question about myself?!! I hate the word CANCER! It can happen to anyone. And we didn’t do anything wrong. What I know is that we all have something, including our animals. What it boils down to is simply a matter of Imperfection. Our bodies and our animal’s bodies are imperfect. We will get sick eventually. In a perfect world we wouldn’t have this problem. But for right now we have to do the best we can to deal with our imperfect genes and makeup, and take as good a care of ourselves and our animals as we can. But please don’t blame yourself. Take Courage. You are a very good mom to your Maggie. And I’m sure she knows it.
Rosie’s Mom
Everyone has said it all so well, but I still wanted to chime in that yes, I still have those moments, and still have tears over the road we’ve been forced down. Thankfully those thoughts have become infrequent, and the tears dry up quicker now that I have this amazing community to share with! We are human, and one life lesson I am still learning is taught by our 3 legged companions – living for the moment, for the day – there are no guarantees for any of us and we’re happiest when we’re not thinking those what-ifs and instead enjoying all the kisses and tail wags that our pups give us!
Happy ampuversary, Maggie! You are one amazing tripawd, and a big inspiration to us all! And your mom is amazing, too! Holly just enjoyed a home-made frosty treat in your honor, and mom’s about to raise a toast to you both!
Hugs,
Holly and Holly’s mom
Hi Tracy,
I can totally relate to what you are saying. Just tonight I looked at Mackenzie and asked myself – how much longer do we have with her? It just breaks my heart thinking about it because I love her so much – I’m crazy about her. And I know this is a strange thought too but for every month she celebrates another ampuversary (she’s also going on 7 months) I think that’s less time now that I’m going to have with her. How crazy is that thought??
I too wonder why I see these other dogs who aren’t well taken care of – just sit outside 24/7 without any companionship or affection except for maybe a pat here and there and a bowl of food and yet they live to be 15 or 16. I just don’t get it. I also think why my Mackenzie?? She was supposed live longer than my other dog I lost to lymphoma at the age of 10. Now I have 2 dogs that I will lose to this terrible disease.
Just reading your post really hits home for me so thanks for expressing what I sometimes feel. I try not to think about the inevitable too much anymore because when I do I know I will fall apart. On the positive side, we are all so blessed with these truly beautiful tripawds who have taught us so much. So for that I do find peace :).
Happy 7 Month ampuversary Maggie! Here’s to many, many more!
Now that Major may have a lung met (we see the oncologist next Thursday to get her opinion) I’m realizing that whether I have 5 days or 5 years with him, there will never be enough time to give him all the love I have for him so all I can do is lay it on as heavy as I can each moment. I ask myself why, too. Why did this lovely dog get dealt such a bum hand? After being a bait dog (used to spar with trained fighters), being abandoned in the shelter not once, but twice, why would the universe do this to him? The only answer I’ve come up with is this: Life won’t give you more than you can handle. Each and every one of the Tripawds and their pawrents are incredibly strong beings. Hug your Maggie Moo and let her hug you back. You both deserve it.
Rachel (Major’s mom)
To all of my wonderful Tripawd friends,
YOU ARE THE BEST MEDICINE FOR ME! 🙂 It is comforting to know that you all have the same thoughts/concerns from time to time. Like I said in my post, I rarely have these thoughts much anymore but they do tend to rear their ugly head from time to time.
I wish we could all meet someday and have one huge Tripawd Party! Hugs to you all – both two legged and three 🙂
In the meantime, I will relish in all that Maggie CAN accomplish and savor the wonderful moments with my AgileCowDog – aka Maggie Moo 🙂
Tracy
I’m glad you are feeling better! Mooooooo!
There’s one thing I learned many years after my dad died when I was 20 years old (yeah, I know I’m down to almost having no more to die on me!) – it’s easier to deal with sorrow and sadness if you can talk about it. That’s why our community is great for dealing with the anquish. As you know, it’s kinda hard to jabber to your pet-less friends about your dog!
Keep you chin up! (I do, so I don’t show my aging double chin!)
Totally get it Sis…..life is JUST FULL of what if’s and why’s……
You have done the best you can with Maggie and Mother Nature decides what she wants with no favorites.
What if Dad had not thrown the wood in the barrel when the cat was beside him…he’d be alive….
Why did Delight eat that mushroom?
Why did Spider get Renal Failure at 6?
What if……Why…….they are endless questions…..
Questions to ponder but as the saying goes……”Don’t let yesterday use up too much of Today”…..
I’m sorry this happened to you…..Maggie……but today is a good day and we have to Keep on Keeping on…..
Hugs!
Thanks Sis. Yup….I’ve been learning to not worry about yesterday AND not worry too much about the future!
Let’s live for TODAY. I just got done reading “Beezer & Boomer”….a MUST READ for all of us with pets that have cancer
OR a terminal disease OR just have dogs! A tear jerker but also some good advice from Doug and his B Brothers… I’ll bring
to you Gina next month to read 🙂
Tracy